I hate all girls vehemently.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
