im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
