You did not just play the dead husband card again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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