Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
