So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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