We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
