It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
