The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
