If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
