so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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