People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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