If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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