I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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