There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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