he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
