I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
