im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
