I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
