I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
