Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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