She's JV to your varsity
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
