How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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