why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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