How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
