kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
