did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
