The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
