i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
