My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
being pregnant is like rehab
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
