He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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