I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
