i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
