I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
