I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
