How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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