I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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