So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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