I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
