so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
