My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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