Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
