know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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