did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
