my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
