He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
