i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
