He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
