I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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