8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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