I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
