You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
