my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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